Sunday, January 16, 2011
Cabin Fever
I promised Olivia we are getting out of the house tomorrow! It's been a rough weekend. Ella is still battling some kind of head cold/stomach bug thingie and I haven't felt like or wanted to venture out with her in tow, so we are both feeling a little itch do just get out and do something....anything!! I feel so awful for her...she is a young 12 year old girl! She should be out doing something, not sitting around the house with mom because I don't have the energy to go anywhere! She misses her cousins and family in NY so much, makes me feel so guilty that I am the perpetrator in ruining her happiness. If I had my choice I would be there as well. My sister and mom are there along with my neices. It is nice to have family around for you and here I am obstructing that for my own daughter. But finances play a huge part and Mark's job is in Florida, so here we are. I know I can't force her to be more social...she really doesn't like living here and her efforts show it. I have a feeling someday her life is going to be bigger than how we get our paycheck. Things have to change. For all of us.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Why now.....
I love reading blogs. They make me smile. Or cry. I never thought of starting one of my own but I decided that I wanted to be able to look back one day and remember saying, "yeh, that was a shitty time" or "that was awesome!". I don't have a good memory anymore. Life moves just to damn fast for me. I hardly remember what I did yesterday, so how in the world would I remember all of the little nuances that make life memorable. So here I am. Starting a blog to officially document the trials and tribulations of what I call "life". A little about me, I'm a Mom of three. I put that first because that essentially defines who I am. Yeh, I am one of those mama's that revolves her life around her kids. Oh well, I happen to like it.
My oldest, Olivia, is 12. It is a fun age for her and I because we do everything together. She and I have a special relationship, part parent-part best friend. It is a fine line but so far we are doing okay. I know I have the worst years ahead of me but I would say it's not a bad start. I know I will look back on this one day with a big shit grin on my face! What I don't know won't hurt me, right??
My middle, Dylan, 7, is such a special guy. I don't have enough room to write all of the great things I love about him. It has always been that way with him. Probably because he is my second and I was much more relaxed at that point. He is all boy though. That scares me. I don't want him to be that boy. Oy vey!
My third, Ella, 3, was my special surprise. I didn't think I wanted a third child until I became pregnant with her. Than it was all over! It was baby this and baby that! I couldn't wait and I was determined to spoil her and do everything wrong! She was a bonus child after all! Only I didn't know how big of a bonus she was going to be. <3
A little about Ella, at about six months of age she began making these "startle" movements. Nothing big, just little "jumps" or "hiccups". I remember it like it was yesterday though. We had flown from Florida to New York to spend a week in Lake George with my mom and dad and my sister and her husband. The kids were excited because we were going to Six Flags and they would be able to see their cousins. I was excited to show Ella off to family that hadn't met her yet. It was supposed to be a fun summer vacation. And it was, except for this nagging feeling that something was wrong. I was telling myself all sorts of things, like, it could it be a reaction to the altitude on the plane or the difference in climate....maybe she had a cold or ear infection...everything except for what was really going on. I mean, who would've guessed. Seizures weren't even mentioned. They didn't look like seizures.
My sister, who is really my twin born a year later, and I started researching. Bad idea. Who invented Google? They should be sent to prison! TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Okay, got that out...whew! One look at a YouTube video of another baby doing exactly what Ella was doing and I knew. Infantile Spasms. But it couldn't be. How? Why? What the hell do I do now! It's funny, when you think something is wrong with your child you don't want to wait for appointments. It's like, "get me in yesterday", and "what do you mean the tests are only read once a week!" I was in unchartered territory when it came to the medical-ese and doctors and blood tests and yada yada yada. But my Mama instincts were right on. Unfortunately this time I had to be right. So it was, and is, the beginning of our journey with epilepsy. The E train as I like to call it, because what a ride it has been. It all really is a blur with a few scant moments of very vivid memories I'd rather not see. But it is what it is, and like it or not I'm not getting off anytime soon.
So that is where I will stop for now, its late and I need to sleep when I can.
Good night all!
xxoo
My oldest, Olivia, is 12. It is a fun age for her and I because we do everything together. She and I have a special relationship, part parent-part best friend. It is a fine line but so far we are doing okay. I know I have the worst years ahead of me but I would say it's not a bad start. I know I will look back on this one day with a big shit grin on my face! What I don't know won't hurt me, right??
My middle, Dylan, 7, is such a special guy. I don't have enough room to write all of the great things I love about him. It has always been that way with him. Probably because he is my second and I was much more relaxed at that point. He is all boy though. That scares me. I don't want him to be that boy. Oy vey!
My third, Ella, 3, was my special surprise. I didn't think I wanted a third child until I became pregnant with her. Than it was all over! It was baby this and baby that! I couldn't wait and I was determined to spoil her and do everything wrong! She was a bonus child after all! Only I didn't know how big of a bonus she was going to be. <3
A little about Ella, at about six months of age she began making these "startle" movements. Nothing big, just little "jumps" or "hiccups". I remember it like it was yesterday though. We had flown from Florida to New York to spend a week in Lake George with my mom and dad and my sister and her husband. The kids were excited because we were going to Six Flags and they would be able to see their cousins. I was excited to show Ella off to family that hadn't met her yet. It was supposed to be a fun summer vacation. And it was, except for this nagging feeling that something was wrong. I was telling myself all sorts of things, like, it could it be a reaction to the altitude on the plane or the difference in climate....maybe she had a cold or ear infection...everything except for what was really going on. I mean, who would've guessed. Seizures weren't even mentioned. They didn't look like seizures.
My sister, who is really my twin born a year later, and I started researching. Bad idea. Who invented Google? They should be sent to prison! TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Okay, got that out...whew! One look at a YouTube video of another baby doing exactly what Ella was doing and I knew. Infantile Spasms. But it couldn't be. How? Why? What the hell do I do now! It's funny, when you think something is wrong with your child you don't want to wait for appointments. It's like, "get me in yesterday", and "what do you mean the tests are only read once a week!" I was in unchartered territory when it came to the medical-ese and doctors and blood tests and yada yada yada. But my Mama instincts were right on. Unfortunately this time I had to be right. So it was, and is, the beginning of our journey with epilepsy. The E train as I like to call it, because what a ride it has been. It all really is a blur with a few scant moments of very vivid memories I'd rather not see. But it is what it is, and like it or not I'm not getting off anytime soon.
So that is where I will stop for now, its late and I need to sleep when I can.
Good night all!
xxoo
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